i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
