like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
