I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize