Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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