i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
