So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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