Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
