I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
