I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
