Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
