Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
