Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
