Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
