i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
