yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
