You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
