Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
