Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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