The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
