So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
