if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
