Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
