I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
