tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
