Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
