He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
