I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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