My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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