please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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