I like my sex mixed with concussions.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize