You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
