We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
