i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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