so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
