my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
