It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
