it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize