I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
