i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize