Where is the hickey?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
