I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
