remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
