do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, beer. Big fan.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
