so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
