he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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