Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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