her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
