Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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