I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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