I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
