Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
