I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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