i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
