got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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