What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
