He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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