Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
