the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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