your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When are your genitals available?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
