im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
