dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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