My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
