fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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