she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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