remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize